


Ketterdam Rooves

by themightyacorn



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 13:08:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21611383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themightyacorn/pseuds/themightyacorn
Summary: A very short fic in which Kaz reveals further details of Jordie's death to Inej.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 2
Kudos: 81





	Ketterdam Rooves

Kaz could hear her silence. Just as Inej always did, if she wanted him to sense her presence, she would let him. She was the perfect spy, but if Kaz was honest with himself she was much more than that by now. In the years since her days at the Menagerie, Kaz had seen his prized spider go from a timid girl with just a hint of fire in her eyes to someone who he very nearly feared, although at the same time he wanted only to know her in the most vulnerable way he could; and this terrified him. 

From the open window in his office Kaz could see a delicate shadow move downwards, illuminated by the moonlight. His Wraith waited and he was not one to keep her.

He set down his pen and took slow yet intentional steps so as not to ruin the pristine quiet of this particularly cool Ketterdam night. These were his favorites; summer taking its last breath as autumn leaves began litter the ground; when the air becomes more clear and Kaz’s mind follows; when warm winds singing their dying wishes brush past and remind you of the melancholy end to golden pink weather. 

Kaz slipped out of his coat, setting it in a neat folded pile on a red leather chair next to the window sill. He braced himself against the wall using his cane and pushed upwards onto the windowsill. Now perched precariously close to falling down the three stories of the slate, he craned his neck around the edge of the peeling window, trying to catch a glimpse of his favorite spider. 

However, Inej Ghafa was not one to stay still long if her position was known. She knew Dirtyhands would climb as high as he must to see her and she intended to use his shortcoming to her advantage. She too favored these early Autumn nights when the sticky summer heat finally began to recede and she could once again feel the hairs rise on her arms as she tumbled through the air across the roofs of Ketterdam.

On this particular night, Inej was making Kaz’s life far more difficult than she usually would, but the night beckoned and, as much as she had tried to deny it, she wanted nothing more than to share it with him. Maybe one day she would keep climbing to avoid the fact that the place she felt most at home in this dastardly city was with the boy to whom her heart had given way. She longed to lie with Ketterdam’s most wanted thief, just the two of them, watching their own stars together, hands just barely touching, but minds intertwined in a way she felt she would never find again. 

Suddenly realizing she had become lost in thought, Inej glanced quickly upwards only to realize that Kaz had managed to swing himself out of the window and was climbing towards her perch on the roof. 

“Evening Wraith,” his gravel voice disrupted the stillness, but it was a welcome break from her fantasies. 

In response, she only nodded.

Kaz seemed to understand her intentions well enough, as, with the slightest movement of his head, asked if it was alright if he joined her. Despite his cold demeanor, Inej deserved all the respect, and affection, he could muster.

She remained silent, but this was an inviting silence. A welcoming silence. As silence that Kaz only had to comprehend for a single second before his breathing quickened and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. His hand twitched as he longed to slip it into hers, for his past not to matter, for the two of them to be set free from their demons, but he did not know if he could handle the swell of emotions that would ache to pour out if he did so. 

As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he was able to observe Inej’s small, delicate frame reclined on the singles that lined the top of the Slat. Their original color had long faded to a misty gray that blended perfectly with the rest of the Ketterdam skyline. Her hair draped over them in patterns that drew Kaz’s eyes in in such a way that he feared he might never be able to stop staring at her. Her lips just barely parted and her cheeks flushed from the cool breezes that kept their senses alert. Inej turned her head towards him, staring inquisitively.

Then, to Kaz’s relief, she spoke.

“Come sit Kaz, let us watch the stars.”

The pounding in his head was joined by a swarm of a school boys’ butterflies in his chest. 

“Kaz?” Her eyes nearly glowed in the shimmering blue moonlight. _Cat-like_ he thought. Often he wondered if she really could see through him. 

“Yes, Inej?”

But she didn’t answer him and instead gestured next to her, indicating that she wanted to him as close to her and he wanted her close to him.

Without a second glance for confirmation, Kaz crept along the edge of the roof, using his hands to push off of the windowsill. His cane still leaned against his desk through the open window, but he managed to clamber across the shingles without it. He had spent enough time utop the roofs of Ketterdam to trust in his abilities without the crow’s head by his side, but the cane brought a comfort to whose absence he could never quite adjust. Tonight, however, his butterflies kept him distracted enough from the usual pain that followed him.

Upon reaching his Wraith, Kaz settled down in as comfortable a position as was possible on the top of roof and leaned back, his hands resting behind his head. 

“Kaz?” Inej’s voice was softer than usual, but still carried the same strength that he heard during their first meeting.

Inej read his silence and continued speaking.

“Who’s Jordie?” He had known the question would come eventually, but he had hoped that Inej would discover it on her own somehow. Either through her impeccable spywork or her terrifying ability to know him better than anyone else. He turned away from her, his eyes fixed on the stars in the vast black expanse above.

“He was obviously important to you and if he reminds you of Jesper then you must have loved him,” he stared, unphased, into the night. Then he slowly nodded, and Inej went on.

“Your gloves, they must come from somewhere. Kaz at this point I know they aren’t covering anything and you wouldn’t choose to deal cards with gloves on. We both understand that showing weakness in the Barrel is essentially shaking Death’s hand and you’ve managed to build your reputation around them, possibly to cover up some fault, so my best guess is that the gloves are to prevent you from showing your real vulnerabilities.” 

Her words were so calm, calculated, composed that he felt no fear in this moment. Had anyone else just begun to unzip his deepest secrets like Inej had done, he would have already spilled their blood, run away, or both. But before acting on his instincts, Kaz considered her response. She spoke with both genuine curiosity and concern. His Inej never failed to amaze him and at the same time he wondered if he really was ready to tell her the truths that that plagued him since Jordie’s death. 

“Kaz? Was I wrong?” It was the third time she’d said his name that night.

“No, you’re right,” he chose his words carefully. “Jordie was someone close to me, you already know this, but you deserve to know what happened.”

Her eyes became wide with hesitation.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he paused. “Jordie was my brother, just a few years older than me. We moved to Ketterdam from our parents’ farm when I was just nine. Jordie was inexperienced and naive and I was young and stupid right alongside him. We found work through a man named Jakob Hertzoon, though you would better recognize him as Pekka Rollins.” 

Inej had no need to stifle any sort of surprise. Although she didn’t know the whole story, she was no stranger to Kaz’s hatred of Pekka Rollins. She’d suspected a personal vendetta from the moment she heard him speak about the man, but she hadn’t exactly been sure of what had caused his incessant need to break down Rollins’ web stretching across the city. “Brick by brick,” he had muttered, “brick by brick.” 

Kaz went on. “Jordie and I put too much faith in the people of this city. We trusted too much and questioned too little. In the end, our security was traded for a *blatant, immediant, visceral* understanding of how this city truly runs: on scams, tricks, and monsters like Pekka. We lost everything we had worked so hard to earn and I saw my brother lose his hope along with the money.”

This still didn’t explain Jordie’s death. Inej pondered the ways in which one could die from being conned. Then she remembered, this was nearly ten years ago. Just about the time of the Queen’s Lady plague. Saints she should have realized it sooner. Inej turned her head towards Kaz, and their eyes met for just a moment before he looked away to stare at the stars. She didn’t move, her eyes fixed on the corners of his, trying to find any shred of pain in his face. She could find none, but the clenching of his jaw and the way he swallowed between sentences said otherwise. Still, he returned to his story.

“We managed for a few days, but then the plague came. Jordie went quickly and I thought I would be soon to follow. The sickboats came and took the two of us with them,” Kaz took a breath to hide his shudder from the recollection of the sick boats. He could still smell the bodies, decaying, dead eyes staring up at him, willing him to follow them.

“Jordie and I swam back to the city. He kept me afloat, but Pekka kept me alive,” and Inej knew Kaz didn’t mean Pekka had cured him of his illness. “Jordie was long gone before I let him go in the harbor. His skin–” but Kaz stopped himself before going too far. Inej would understand. She knew what it was like, the repulsion.

“Oh Kaz…,” she knew she shouldn’t have given him sympathy, that we would reject it anyways, but she couldn’t help herself. The boy she loved had lost just as much as she had, his family, his pride, and what had he gotten in return? A close to deadly curse that had followed him for almost ten years. A shadow that loomed over every fight, every interaction, every scheme. She had known he wouldn’t touch, but she now understood why: the memory of Jordie was too strong. Inej was viscerally aware of what it was like to feel someone’s body close to hers and for that to feel wrong, inhuman even. She knew how it felt, the need to run away, to be surrounded by nothing more than your own heartbeat and an icy breeze to carry away all sensation. 

Inej felt Kaz’s gloved hand shift next to her and come to rest just a few inches beside her own. She looked up and Kaz’s eyes. Twinkling disks of early morning cocoa stared back at her. Inej could get lost in those eyes. She wanted to travel the world within them and at the same time she would have been satisfied living in this moment forever. The most dangerous man in Ketterdam looked at her with a softness that briefly erased every hesitation she had toyed with in telling Kaz how her deepest desires were only to love and be loved by him. To know him without the locks and chains that enclosed him. For him to either teach her to pick them or simply give her the key. No matter how, Inej had wanted to know Kaz Brekker. 

Now, in a way, she did. She knew his history, but didn’t want it to be true.

“Inej.” It wasn’t a question. It was a request.

“My demons may follow me, as do yours, but we’ve beaten far worse enemies.” As he said the words even he wondered if he believed them. Jordie’s memory had prevented him from love for years. _But Inej,_ he reminded himself, _she knows. She understands._

“I understand Kaz, but are you sure?” Her eyes threatened to bore holes through his. They exuded softness, security, concern, and intensity all at once and he could not get enough of it. 

“I’m sure of everything I say, Wraith.”

“Kaz?”

“Wraith.”

“Do you love me?”

“Yes, I believe I do.” 

His answer took Inej by surprise. Though she had wished for his admittance of his love for her for months, closer to a year, she never allowed herself to even consider the possibility of his saying it outloud. He hadn’t even faltered. Not for a second. The words slipped out easily, riding on his exhale as if he had been prepared to say them long before she had as ever asked the question. The corners of Kaz’s lips rose slightly at Inej’s slight shock from his response, he was enjoying how he could make her lose all traces of her normally careful and restrained demeanor.

Kaz’s eyes turned back to the stars, and as he did he placed his hand over Inej’s, closing the gap separating them, their fingers intertwining. The smallest of gestures, but they both knew this meant the world. 

They lay, the stillness expanding around them, each staring up at the same starlit sky. Kaz’s heart nearly pounding out of his chest, but from terror or love he could not tell. 

Inej finally mustered the will to break the deafening silence. 

“Kaz?”  
“Yes Wraith?”

“Is this even worth it?” She didn’t have to specify. Kaz knew what he meant to her, but he also understood that he was not able to give her what she needed, what she deserved.

“Yes,” Inej would have accepted his answer for all of the emotion and desire it conveyed, but Kaz wasn’t finished. 

“You are worth it Inej. Regardless of if I get to love you for this night only or for the rest of our lives, every moment you allow me the privilege of seeing beyond who you present to the world is one that I will not forget, and while I would love you forever if I could, you deserve so much more than I can give you. I’m not going to beg for you to wait for me, you certainly don’t deserve this, but I will ask that I may watch the stars with you tonight.”

Kaz’s even tone would have muffled the butterflies threatening to break open his chest, but Inej knew better. Those words should have taken Kaz a lifetime to say, but in one breath he had admitted he loved her, that he could not provide was she needed, but despite his shortcomings he wanted to stay by her side for as long as he could. Still, she could hear what lay beneath the carefully crafted words and admittance of his faults; he was still willing to fight for her.

The soft squeeze from Inej’s hand was enough to make Kaz tense for the briefest moment. No matter how comfortable he felt, Jordie’s ghost would manage to cling to his coattails, threatening to tear him from reality. Though as much as Kaz desperately wanted to be free of Jordie’s memory, he did not believe he could bare to forget his brother. Even without looking, Inej could feel the muscles in Kaz’s hand grow tight, his jaw lock slightly, and his sharp intake of breath as the inevitable twinge of panic rose up through his spine. She pressed her other hand into the cold shingles of the roof, readying herself to give him a few more inches of space, but to her confusion Kaz only moved closer. He returned her squeeze pressed his shoulder against hers. Kaz gave her room to pull away, to take back the intimacy she had allowed him, the intimacy that she had waited for so long but did not know if she was quite ready to handle. He was not sure he was ready either.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post and was mainly just some short fluff and angst that I wanted to get out of my system. It's not very long and isn't part of a more complete plot, but I might eventually finish the scene. I hope you enjoyed! :)


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